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“Professionally I’m rocking. There’s so much work happening that I barely have time to hear myself think. I want it that way because this is the time for work,” she says, pointing out that the shelf life of Bollywood heroines has shrunk to around six years. “Bollywood plays by its own rules. It is never about your talent here. It is always about which hero is romancing you on screen. I’m super-confident about my talent but if you judge me only by which heroes I’m working with, then you may argue that I’m not even in the race. However, as far as I’m concerned, my career has gained momentum. And, I’m making the niche I need to,” says the National Award winning actress.
But at the same time, Kangna laments she’s got no personal life. “I believe that if one has to have emotional growth then he/she needs a personal life. I’m currently single and not about to mingle. In this mad race for stardom, I sometimes feel I’m missing out on what I would say are life’s essential moments. I’m not in a relationship but the thought is always there at the back of my head. I wonder if lack of a personal life will stunt my growth as a person. But these are fleeting thoughts. As I hop from studio to studio, my love life is put on the back-burner,” she says.
At first, the crazy life of an actor dismayed her. “I used to think this is such torture – shooting for multiple hours and working for so long. At times, you’re supposed to begin your day at 5.30–6 am,” she says. Then she thought there was discrimination too. “I would think ‘Why this break for that actor, and why this one for me?’” But things have changed today? “Of course. After spending a decent amount of time in the industry, one becomes more calculative and observant. Today, I feel that if I’ve chosen to do this kind of work, I better live up to it. I understand the business of filmmaking.”
The actress admits that she may be 23 but in her head, she’s as mature as a 45-year-old. And as she reflects on her life today, she realises that her goal for the moment may be superstardom. But she sometimes fears she is chasing a hollow dream. “If I want to be actually enlightened, like I do, I need to set a larger goal for myself. I want to turn director someday, I need to make place for a permanent relationship. I need to look for the rainbow. Perhaps these are the things that will complete me. Who knows? But I’m looking.”
What else has she observed all these years? “That despite the frenzied pace, one can have fun, lots of fun. Only that fun is unpredictable, you never know when you’re going to laugh – in the middle of shooting, or on the sets or elsewhere,” she says, adding, “I’ve also observed that the image of actors is very bad. People think all actors are dumb. Once I had a discussion with a director, after which he was surprised, and said, ‘Oh! You’re so intelligent.’ And I felt, perhaps, this is not the way they expect an actor to be.” And she has more to say, “Also, actresses are not expected to be involved in all those discussions and debates regarding script, shooting, dialogues, etc. And if an actress does, people are surprised. When I took interest in all of this, I was treated like a man. Usually, it’s only the men who are interested in the behind-the-scene specifics.”
Then what are women interested in, ‘usually’? “I’ve noticed that women are more interested in who they’re working with. I was shocked to know that someone can only be interested in the co-actor, and not the script. Ask them why, and they say, it’s an A-list actor, and it’ll prove beneficial to their career. And I wonder, ‘Are you an actor or a fan? How can you care less about your character?’” But Kangna says she understands this, for, “This is what happens with beautiful women who’re not intelligent. And that’s how even men want them to be. An intelligent woman may pose a threat to their intellect, you see. It is so natural. If I were a man, even I’d marry a beautiful, dumb woman, lest she proves I’m less intelligent!”
Some believe there are no permanent friends in the film industry... “It’s such a terrible thing to say. How can one feel that? If a director offers a role to an actor, is he taking advantage of him? I believe he’s giving him work. But later, when the two can’t be in touch, will the actor say, ‘See, he’s not a friend anymore, for he doesn’t talk otherwise.’ People can’t be in touch always due to lack of time,” Kangna explains.
Is she anxious that she is not seen in the publicity of Kites? “I have a guest appearance in the film, and it is up to the producers how they want to project me. There is nothing to be anxious about.”
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