The incident happened earlier this week when the actress was burning the midnight oil for over a month shooting during day-time for one film and dubbing another. Suddenly in the middle of shooting, Vidya burst into tears and loud wracking sobs. A stunned silence followed. The unit was naturally shocked since there was outwardly no provocation.
Says Vidya "Yes, it happened a few days ago and it scared the hell out of me and everyone in the unit. I am not prone to tantrums or outbursts. I don't know what happened to me. I just broke down. It was work pressure. In the past three months I didn't have a day's respite. It was crazy. I was shooting all day for Sujoy's film in Kolkata. Then director Rajkumar Gupta's people had flown to Kolkata for my dubbing of No One Killed Jessica because that is releasing on January 7. So I was dubbing in the night. It was tough schedule. I guess I overdid it." admits the beautiful actress.
She further added that the incident took her by surprise "My breakdown was as much a shock to me as it was for them. I don't know what happened. I've been shooting in Kolkata for a month and I've to shoot for another month. Kolkata is my favourite city. I am seeing it like never before. This is my third full-fledged film in Kolkata. Much as I love the city I do miss my home and family in Mumbai."
There are strong rumours in the air that the entire outburst was because of her past heartbreaks Vidya say's she has had her share of heartbreaks, yes but she is not down and certainly not out "In love, there are no reasons. Rationality goes for a toss. When you truly love someone, sometimes you become insane, you become possessive and do mad things. And when that person hurts you, it makes you do worse. I think there was a time when I got really possessive. I can't imagine myself asking those questions today. I was naive and innocent and wanted answers for everything. I wanted a call every five minutes," she opens up.
"Yes, it's nice to be cool despite the pain," she says. "Otherwise, what's the fun? Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, is what I believe in. What the hell, life goes on. I would like to erase all those memories like in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Human beings are resilient. People lose their loved ones and still go on with their lives. Death is a fact but we carry on as if we are immortal. If that's not being optimistic, what is? I am not saying that you set yourself up to get hurt. Be cautious. May be the other person doesn't really want to be in a relationship."
"Sometimes we enjoy being with a person so much that we become optimists and hope that he will change his mind and even his heart. You know what? Nothing changes but their shirts." She say's sarcastically.
In spite of the pain would she fall in love all over again or would you think a thousand times or go with the flow? "You are never strong enough for heartbreak. I have friends who say this is it - no more relationships. Bullshit. Every relationship is unique so the pain it brings is unique, too. You know when you are attracted to someone all the analysis goes out of the window. A hundred people can tell you it's not for you but when you are attracted to someone you don't pay heed to all that. I don't think one even remembers what happened in the past because suddenly there's this guy and he's different from anyone you've ever met before."
Vidya confides that she went through a relationship where she was constantly pulled down "My family loves me unconditionally, my friends are proud of the work I do. Suddenly, here was a person judging me constantly, and criticizing me, something I couldn't take. At the end of the day, I am a regular girl. When I like someone I do the regular stupid things. When I like someone I am not the actress Vidya Balan. I am just Vidya. But some people sap your confidence and your energy. Why did I let it happen? I don't really know."
"Prayer gives me a great deal of strength, as do my family and friends. Most importantly, you have to love and respect yourself. It's difficult to deal with rejection. Each one of us is unique. If someone does not cherish that he doesn't deserve to be in your life."