Controversies & Confessions...

Shah Rukh Khan in a tell-all mode!

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Shah Rukh Khan is not elated, thrilled or vindicated by his team's victory over Chennai at IPL 5 this year. He reveals his pre-match frame of mind, saying, "I have never been in a zone where I have prayed so much. I pray a lot, but on that day I was praying a lot more. I had to make this happen in my head and heart. I write whenever I am alone, and don't know what else to do..."

But post the victory, it was a different feeling for Shah Rukh. "I didn't feel anything after the win, so I tried to put across what I was feeling on paper. I was feeling empty inside. Any of the things I thought I would feel after winning the IPL were missing. I've realised I have never been able to learn cold-blooded objectivity. I'm extremely subjective - good, bad, selfish, self-centered. I don't behave how people think I should - a role model."

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SRK says he's also realised that people exist in very small boxes of judgement and limitation. And they hurt him. "For years they have hurt me, though they have no power over me. Whenever I see those people, I react because I am honest and they symbolise my hurt. Why? I am a middle-class guy and I have wanted nothing more than to be accepted and seen as a good actor. I have always wanted to be universally loved. That's an issue. I have always given and they have always taken. Then they have asked for more and again I have given... When they asked as an entitlement, I gave them again. In the last six months, a few people close to me have hurt and betrayed me by their actions... I am not scared of anyone, but I have given because I have felt that I will be liked by them all the time. And yet they don't see it because I remind them of the things that they didn't have the capacity to do themselves. And now my anger has passed..."

He goes on to add that while he has the influence to make people happy, he is anything but a role model. "I don't tell my children to be what I am. A role model is someone who can take on the onslaught of being in the public eye and still stand for correctness. He plays a role. Sachin Tendulkar is what a role model should be,.. He's the perfect human being and I am not. I don't want to be. I will never be a God of reality... I only sell dreams. I will do a cartwheel or tear off my clothes when I am happy if I feel like it."

After his team won the final, SRK had apologised for the brawl at Wankhede stadium on national television. But the actor was quick to clear that his apology was only to his children for he should not have subject them to that behaviour “There was a man in a yellow shirt who spoke rudely with me. If that man comes in front of me, I will beat him. He said things that were trash, unsecular and unworthy of my repeating them. I have lived in Mumbai for more than 20 years, have my domicile here, my home and family here. I am as much Indian as that idiot who made the comment or anyone else in this country.”

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On being mellowed down, a more gentler and kinder person:
See, it’s simple. I treat you with respect, you give me respect. When I react to certain stuff, my family and loved ones will say, don’t react, don’t respond. They feel bad. Sometimes I feel bad when I get into a war of words. I don’t like to give off bad energy or bad vibes to people. I expect the same. Since I’m more at peace with myself, I guess all this doesn’t affect me much. But I have probably mellowed. Otherwise, I’m from Delhi and I know how to set such people straight. I’ve broken a lot of jaws. I can break some more. (Jokes) Now I’ve decided to conduct press conferences like an auction. The press will ask all their questions together. Then I will decide which one to answer, which one to ignore and which one to call to the back of the room and set them straight. I’ll ask them to bring their cameras with them. I’m eloquent and decent about everything but when you cross the line, I can mess with you too.

Friends claim that you’re detached:
I’m detached in a strange way. I live on a different plane. The way I see this world, emotions and relationships is different. I get in touch with the real world all thanks to my children. My son says when I’m angry I’m like a monster. He says some strange sound emerges from me, which doesn’t suit my build! He says I overdo it. Imagine a 13-yr-old saying that to me. Suhana says if I don’t like someone I should go and say it. Gauri lets me be, she never told me anything but my kids are helping me to get in touch with the real world. Sometimes people tell me that my talks and philosophies bore and confuse them. I’m getting old and it’s too late to change. There should be quirks in people. My quirk is I invite loneliness.

Skyrocket expectations from his films:
If you don’t have expectations from an actor who has worked for 20 years, have money, fame, cars and a production house, who has earned so much respect and reputation; then who else would you have expectations from? My fans have put me up on this pedestal. Now I have to entertain them and make it all worth it. I’ve the most beautiful life. I’ve no worries about that.

On Wankhede brawl:
Saal ke andar ek jhagda aur do films kaafi hai ...I was very ashamed when my wife and children explained to me that I shouldn't have behaved in that way...I don't want to get into the apology part...I think, I have to be quiet and patient.

Bollywood actors going overseas:
Why shouldn’t we make films as good as Hollywood? We make more films than them. We can’t control our looks, language, story but those are creative aspects. We can control technology, the way we shoot our films and the marketing. My biggest worry is that the Indian audience will stop seeing our films. They will be inclined toward Hollywood films. Why would they spend money on something that is sub standard? When our actors go to Hollywood and work, I feel they should work here and make Hollywood come to us. Warner Bros. has already come here. But instead of asking them for technology we ask them for money. How much more money do we need? Those days are gone. Today we have money. Reliance has bought a majority stake in Dreamworks. Let’s invest together. And ask them for the desired technology, which will help us make great films.

On Poonam Pandey:
Everyone has his or her own way of expressing happiness. I don't think I should comment on this. I am thankful to everyone who celebrated.

On Suhana Khan:
Everytime my daughter Suhana came to watch the match, we won and this time I was hoping we win. I have always told my children hard work pays off. The team and everyone have been working hard for three-four years and it has paid off victory.

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